WHY THIS IS MORE THAN JUST A HOLIDAY FOR ME...
Well guys the day I’ve been working towards for seven whole years has finally arrived - I AM OUT OF HERE ️ but before I depart I want to share a little story with you to kind of explain why this day is such a significant milestone for me.
Like everyone my life has been filled with many ups and downs, but if you had told me five years ago that I’d be standing here today at the international airport about to fly to London by myself, I would have told you that you were crazy and there’s no way I would ever be able to do something like that!!
Five years ago almost to the day I went to my grandmothers house to spend some time with her, which I truly did make the effort to do at least twice a week.
It was almost 11am on a Saturday and I knocked and knocked at the door, much to my dismay there was no answer. A wave of panic came over me and just as I was about to figure out a way to break into the house to check that she was ok, she opened the door and said ‘Sorry to scare you Beccy, I’ve just been laying down, I’m not feeling the best.’
We sat down and I made us a coffee but she barely even had a sip. I remember telling her all of my big plans of how I wanted to travel the world and explore writing a book about all of love stories I had heard along the way, so people who had given up hope would see that miracles do happen and what’s meant for you will always find a way.
She looked at me, took my hand and said ‘A good story always starts with an interesting first paragraph, once you write that the rest should be easy - you’ve got a gift Beccy, follow your dreams and just remember that what ever God makes he matches’.
Immediately after I left her house I called my family and told them something was wrong and nan wasn’t well. A few days later she was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with cancer.
For around three weeks we all raced back and forth from palliative care as the cancer was spreading rapidly through her body. We all spent as much time with her as we possibly could with her right up until she passed.
This was the beginning of some very dark days for me. The pain I felt was like nothing I had ever experienced - it consumed me from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning, until I went to sleep at night, until eventually I looked for ways to make it stop which evidently came at a cost.
One day around 18 months after she had passed I had a realisation that the person I had become and the life I was living wasn’t what she would have wanted - It wasn’t what I wanted. She would have been horrified to know that her death had such a self-destructive impact on me.
The only way I can really describe how I felt after that ‘awakening’ if you want to call it that, was it was like I had woken up from and 18 month coma and had a huge chunk of my life missing.
I realised that I had isolated myself from the people who cared the most. My grief had cost me precious time that I needed to make up for. I wanted to smile and laugh again and be filled with real happiness and joy, but I needed to do that - I needed to make that my reality.
I reassessed every aspect of my life and I figured out what needed to change, committed to those changes and dedicated my life to being the person I was raised to be, someone my family could be proud of.
The past 18 months in particular have been huge in regards to my personal growth.
Last year I dated someone who really hurt me but I don’t regret that experience, not even for a single second.
I was deeply upset and angry that again, history had repeated itself and I couldn’t understand why, until I had yet another realisation - history was repeating because after all these years, I was the one who had failed to learn the lesson.
‘The universe’ , ‘God’ what ever you want to call it, kept giving me the same test over and over and for going on 11 years, I was the one who wasn’t paying attention.
As much as I kept telling myself (and everyone else) ‘These men keep finding me!!!!’ the truth is maybe on a subconscious level I was finding them. Maybe I kept being drawn to what was familiar because I could already foresee the ending and be somewhat prepared for what was to come - maybe that was a easier for me than actually taking a risk on someone who truly wanted to take the time getting to know me on a much deeper and intellectual level.
After 18 months of being 100% alone and dedicating all of my time and energy into becoming the best version of myself both physically and mentally, now I finally understand that all along the answer has ALWAYS been me.
I made excuses for the men of my past because I truly wanted to believe they were someone they weren’t. I invested in the idea of them when their actions never truly demonstrated that they were worthy of what I know in my heart I deserve.
Whilst some people might think that 18 months of ‘me time’ was extreme, it was something that I needed to do in order to gain absolute clarity in my mind of who I am and what I want my future to look like.
I needed to open old wounds and pick out all the old shrapnel in order to finally heal. I had to go back as far as 11 years and relive a lot of bad memories I had buried in order to let go of the anger and accept that every part of my life (the good and bad) has made me who I am today and most importantly, I had to forgive those who had done wrong by me and let it go once and for all.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think today I’d be standing here about to board a plane with literally EVERYTHING I had ever wanted to do for myself, by myself, done. I cannot begin to explain to you just how empowered I feel!!
When I land I’ll be embarking on the adventure that I was dreaming of when I had the last coffee at my Nan’s house all those years ago - maybe not to write a book about love stories, but to explore and have many conversations with who ever it is I’m supposed to meet.
Everything does happen for a reason, you have to believe that, because I do with every single part of me.
Never stop setting goals and chasing your dreams because I’m living proof that ANYTHING is possible if you truly believe and never give up hope.
If you want to follow my journey, you can do so on the below platform:
See you mid September Sydney!!
Next stop LONDON TOWN!!!!! ️
Love always Bec