WHAT HE SAYS, WHAT HE MEANS, WHAT SHE THINKS
Over the years I've heard and asked the same question repeatedly time and time again "What does he even mean by that?” I've also had a number of men in a frustrated tone ask me "How did you come to this conclusion?!" More often than not, this was followed by a long and intense conversation in which I had no choice but to explain my methodology in intricate detail, leaving the guy with a thumping migraine wishing he hadn’t asked. Kind of funny now though, LOL. There is no doubt in my mind that we think differently and at times, getting our point across to the opposite sex can be an extremely painful exercise. From my experience a lot of the confusion comes from the emotion vs logic debate. Women are emotional creatures and men, well they seem to think logically. If we as women strongly "feel" we are right about something, we will debate the guys logic until the cows come home, because well, our passion will drive our opinion and their "logic" will shoot holes through it - see the dilemma? I decided that it's time to clear the air - untangle the diabolical mess that we as humans seem to have a natural ability to create from hearing a sentence that has ten words or less. I hope this article will give you some insight and clarity on these two common questions:
"What does he mean?" and "Why is she acting like this?" After going through all of the data I can confirm what he says isn’t necessarily what he means, and what she hears could quite possibly send her into crisis mode.
In order for something to work, both parties need to come to some sort of compromise, because the message quite easily can be misconstrued - communication is the key people. Before we begin I want you to know that this has been written based on the brutally honest, non-sugar coated answers of 60 single males and females from Australia, between 25 - 35 years of age. The group of people were from different states, professions and cultural backgrounds. The two voices used in this article have been written with the most frequently repeated responses in mind. Please take this with a grain of salt as I do understand the answers may vary with each individual. If you're someone who is easily offended or under the age of 18, now might be a good time to click the little cross on the top right hand corner of the screen.
Let’s do this -
1. What he says: “I’ll call you”
Translation: I don’t have any intention to call you. I might call, maybe, depends how I feel but I wouldn’t hold your breath.
Her inner dialogue: This is exciting! I wonder when exactly he is planning on calling me? He'll probably call tomorrow because he's trying to play it cool. He will call though right? I wonder what he's calling about. Maybe it's to ask me out, what will I wear? I better ask the girls, I need to look hot.
2. What he says: “I don't care”
Translation: I actually do not care. Do what you want, I am currently trying to avoid drama so please stop pushing it.
Her inner dialogue: He so cares! Why is he holding back? Why won't he open up to me? I cannot believe he's being like this! You know what, fine. I'm going to give him the silent treatment until he asks me what's wrong and then he’s going to tell me exactly what it is he doesn’t care about.
3. What he says: “She’s just a friend”
Translation: She probably is just a friend, because chances are if we'd hooked up in the past we probably wouldn't be friends anymore.
Her inner dialogue: Yeah right “friend” - I'll be the judge of that! Don't you worry within 10 minutes the girls and I will find out this girls entire life story and see if she is in fact, just your "friend".
4. What he says: “I don't want a girlfriend”
Translation: I really just do not want a girlfriend or I don’t want you in particular to be my girlfriend.
Her inner dialogue: OK - so let me get this straight, what you’re really trying to say is you are a fuckboy. By waving this fuckboy flag in air, in a round-about way, you are telling me that you want your cake and to eat it too? - I’m out. Thanks for reaffirming that #wastehertime is very real and boys cannot be trusted.
5. What he says: “Can we talk about this later?”
Translation: I don't want to talk about this anymore. Why are you still going on about it? Pretty please with sugar on top, can you please just shut the fuck up.
Her inner dialogue: No we cannot talk about this later! Why is he trying to avoid this conversation? Why not talk about it now? This is important to me! He can clearly see how upset I am and he doesn’t even care. How could he be so inconsiderate? Let’s just resolve this right here and now, so we can get on with our lives.
6. What he says: “My ex was kind of crazy”
Translation: If you're a lunatic can you please show me your true colours now, so I can come up with an exit strategy that will have a minimal repercussions, as I value my life and do not want to die.
Her inner dialogue: Oh I'm sure she was. What exactly did YOU DO to make her crazy? Did you lie? Did you cheat? People don’t just go from zero to crazy for no reason. If you start sending me crazy, boy bye - I.AM.OUT.
7. What he says: “I like a girl who doesn't wear much makeup”
Translation: I don't really know what I'm on about, but can you please not make yourself look like a clown.
Her inner dialogue: Here we go, already trying to change me. Does this guy have any idea how much time and effort went into creating this masterpiece? The countless hours I have spent trialling all of the different techniques I’ve found on Youtube and he really doesn't care. I've had more contouring catastrophes than he could ever get his head around and he wants me to wear less of this, what's wrong with him? I am pretty much a modern day Picasso. With that kind of attitude I’m starting to think my highlighter is brighter than his future.
8. What he says: “I think we need to take a break”
Translation: I’m over this. There’s someone else I want to talk to and for now, you’re in my way. If I have the opportunity to have sex with this girl, I want it to be guilt free.
Her inner dialogue: I think he needs to calm down. Why the hell is he saying this? Did he trip over and smack his head on the way down - is he concussed?
Sorry - I'm not agreeing to this stupid "break" idea. I'm not giving him the OK to go out and have sex with God knows who and come back and infect me with diseases – FUCK THAT and FUCK HIM!! Do not cry, STOP CRYING, you’ll show him you’re weak, do not give him the satisfaction – Great, now I'm bawling. Just let him go and pray he catches some kind of ugly STD that will make his dick fall off. Good luck on your spiritual slut journey, your happiness was right here you stupid asshole. OMG I'm so sad, I am about to have a fucking meltdown.
9 .What he says: “I’m not really looking for anything serious”
Translation: I might go out with you a few times for something to do and if the opportunity should arise, I will probably have sex with you, but that's about as good as it's going to get – I don’t see you as relationship material. You’re not the one.
Her inner dialogue: So you just want to have sex with me? Why didn’t you tell me this from the start, before I caught feelings? I liked you, I thought you liked me back? I thought you were different, turns out you were exactly the same. You really are just another fuck boy.
10. What he says: “How many guys have you slept with?”
Translation: This was a bad idea - there is no good answer to this question, I probably shouldn't have asked, now all I’m going to think about is how many dicks you've had in your mouth. You're probably going to lie anyway, I have no choice other than to humour you, even though I can see straight through your bullshit story.
Her inner dialogue: Why the hell would he even ask me this? This is none of his business!
Why is this relevant? I didn't ask him, so why the hell is he asking me? I wish he asked me this through text, I need time to think. My future depends on giving the right answer – fuck.
I don't want to lie, but if I don't, he's not going to like the answer - I don't like the answer. Maybe I can just pretend to be asleep, I wonder if he'll fall for it? - Who am I kidding, he's not that stupid.
Well it's either tell him a ballpark figure and hope for the best or tell him the number of guys I've long term dated - ok that's the best option, it will be lower than the number of girls he's banged. - Make him tell you his number and he'll be the one that looks like the big hoe. - Guuuuurl, you're so smart *gives self a mental high-five*
11. What he says: “How do you know that guy?”
Translation: Have you had sex with that guy? It’s pissing me off that you’re showing him attention, I know how guys think.
Her inner dialogue: Oooo he’s getting jealous. No biggie, I’ll just tell him. If it’s someone online he’s got nothing to worry about (even though it’s kind of cute he’s worried) I deleted all my old flings as soon as I thought things were getting serious.
12. What he says: “I just want to do me”
Translation: This is going nowhere. Why are we still having this conversation? I want to be by myself, why are you making this into a thing?
Her inner dialogue: WOW - way to stab me in the heart and twist the knife without showing any mercy. He is totally brushing me off right now. Who does he think he is? He's happy to let me go and not think twice about it? Well I never liked him anyway! Who am I kidding, my ego hurts. I can't deal with this kind of rejection. This fucking asshole just destroyed my soul - I will never love again.
13. What he says: “I really like you”
Translation: I genuinely enjoy being around you. I think you’re beautiful, intelligent and you make me feel happy.
Her inner dialogue: I may be getting ahead of myself here, but I think he is the one! I wonder when he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend? His mum is going to love me. I wonder when we can start double dating? This is so exciting, I’m so happy!
14. What he says: ”I love you”
Translation: I think you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I don’t want anyone else but you. I hope this doesn’t freak you out but I had to tell you and I hope you feel the same way – I’m convinced you’re the one.
Her inner dialogue: I love you too boo. Time to start a Pinterest account and start pinning engagement ideas, wedding themes and honeymoon destinations. This is the GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!
There you have it, answers. I hope everyone who read this enjoyed reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it.
A big thank you to everyone who participated, this would not have been possible without your honest input.
Thanks for reading guys, until next time!
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