It feels like a lifetime since we last spoke but I want to start this off by saying thank you. Given the circumstances you’re probably wondering why I chose to say this, but I promise that one simple two-worded statement will make perfect sense all in good time.
I know that right now to you everything just seems like noise in the background, you feel neither here nor there; completely numb to everyone and everything. The vibrant, happy, confident person you once were now is nothing more than a foggy distant memory - despite everything that’s happened I bet that person is the one you miss the most.
Before we go into this I need to make a point in saying that if I was there in person I would march right up to you and give you the biggest hug you’ve ever received. I would hold on to you so tightly, softly touch your cheeks, look you directly in those big beautiful eyes and sincerely tell you that I am so fucking proud of you and I’m so glad you are here.
Most people would like to believe that the things you’ve lived through only happen in the movies or to bad people who are involved with bad things, but you and I both know that’s not the case at all. You didn’t choose this path, you didn’t wake up one day and decide that this is the life you wanted to live, I know better than anyone that you didn’t have a choice – it just happened and now in this moment somehow you are here feeling confused, lost and disorientated.
You’re battling with a few different demons - I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. As uncertain as you may feel about a lot of things, please find comfort in knowing that deciding to stay is the best decision you have ever made.
There are two words I want to warn you about – “how” and “why”. If you’re not careful those two three letter words will steal your sanity. Days become weeks, weeks become months and before you know it, years will pass and you’ll still be searching for answers in all the wrong places.
I get it, I truly do understand – it’s not fair! None of this is fair. You didn’t deserve what happened to you – you do know that right? It was out of your control and whilst you may never be at peace with what happened, you must accept that it is in the past and nothing you do now will ever be able to change it.
Everything you’re feeling, you’re allowed to feel. It hurts - I know it fucking hurts! And as insane as you may think I am for saying this – I am glad you’re still able to feel something, as feeling something is better than feeling nothing.
Just thinking about you like this truly does break my heart, but things are going to get better and brighter days are on the horizon – you’ve got to believe that because I do. You might have a long way to go but look how far you’ve come! Look at the improvements you’re making each and every day. I truly am so proud of the person you’re becoming and I think it’s even more amazing that you’ve made the choice to do this for yourself and no one else.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, it’s part of what makes us human but just be sure to heed the lesson, as a mistake made more than once is a choice. Find your OWN personal truth - live and breathe it, remembering that you here for a reason and you have a purpose.
You cannot change what happened in your past but please remember that you are the pioneer of your future. You cannot control other people’s actions, but you can control how you react.
You may feel like you add no value but I can assure you that your presence is priceless. You can ask yourself “how” or “why” thousands of times over and it won’t change a single thing - maybe now is the time for you to ask yourself “How can I make a difference?”
Before I go I just need to tell you one more time why you’re so important to me - I admire your courage as I understand how terrifying this thing called life can be. I admire your strength because it takes a truly strong person to overcome what you have and finally I admire your perseverance, as your ability to weather the storm truly is inspiring.
I sincerely want to take this time to once again say thank you because just by choosing to stay you have shown me that I am not alone and I never was. You and I are in this together. I might not be there with you in person but not once have I ever let go of your hand – I always have and always will be here.
So one last time I just want to say, thank you for deciding to stay.
As seen published on Thought Catalog.
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